So we bought our first home in June of this  year.

Notice how clean the front yard is?  That is after 15 or so hours of hard work!  If you notice in the picture you can see two trees, and the branches of a third.  Its winter and all of those leaves have to go somewhere:

Tree 1, front yard
 
Tree 2, front/side yard
 
Tree 3, back yard

All of those leaves made this pile (keep in mind those black bags are all the big lawn bags)

So that is where all of my free time has been over the past week.  What joy.

I've debated even posting this, but here goes.

As known to readers of my blog, I shut up for a month.  Shut everything down for some time of reflection.

To say the last month has been interesting and lively would be a vast understatement.   To say that the things that have happened over this past month is just me being me, would be just as irresponsible as me saying that I had no part in it.  I've had to take a complete inventory of my life and where I was going to go in relation to friends and church.  Had some friends really betray us.  Had some friends hurt us.  Realized some friends, probably weren't friends. 

Realized I probably need to see a counselor.  I'm not sure what I'd be diagnosed with, but my extreme reactions to things can't always be the right reaction.  Realized I may never be able to fully participate in a church setting.  I don't deal well with dysfunction, and churches by their design are full of dysfunctional people (raising hand).  Trying to teach myself to be as much of a participator in church as I can be, while not getting so far in that the cycle starts again.

In the end I know God is good.  God created me as I am for a reason.  I'm just searching for that reason, and it may be something I don't fully realize on this side of Heaven. 

Now a side rant.  To say I'm on the dark side of my faith right now would be a correct statement.  What I don't get is how when people go through this... people abandon them.  People call it sin.  If you're not happy and joyful, your sinning.  Do people not read the book of Psalms?  Christianity does not equal pure joy.  Christianity equals being real with yourself and others and most importantly God.  We do a great disservice when we don't allow, support, follow, people as they go into these dark spots of faith.  Reminds me of a situation I once found myself in.  A friend of mine was going through severe depression.  So this friend was kind of mean. Some of the people around us came to me and asked me what was up.  I gave my opinion of it, and told them they needed to support this person... not condemn them.  The reply I got back was, "Well it doesn't give them a right to be mean."  Was honestly floored at that reply.  I just told them the person had a severe illness and needed support and love, only to be told that they needed to repent.  Thankfully the person that said that to me had a history of avoiding confrontation and never did talk to the 'offending' person.  Would have hated to see what would have come of that.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       he leads me beside quiet waters,

3 he restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for his name's sake.

4 Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;
       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows.

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
       forever.

I take a momentary break from my silence for tradition.  I can't let a birthday go without being acknowledged here.  Comments still turned off.

Today marks our son's 4th birthday.  Since he is adopted he doesn't get to see his sisters all the time.  Frequently, but not all the time.  So yesterday we had all of his sisters over to celebrate his birthday.  Sitting back and watching these children is really humbling.  We've had him since he was 5 months old.  His sisters were pretty young (as two of them are still pretty young, and I wouldn't call the other old).  They had no idea what was happening here.  They just knew that their little brother was with a strange family.  Today, they know he's safe here.  He is at home.  So instead of swarming around him when they come, they just take a few minutes to have some special time with him and then move on to playing with our daughter.  I feel so bad for the situation they've found themselves in due to no actions on their own part, but I know they know he is safe and secure with us. 

I remember the first birthday we had with him.  I made a pretty fun video of it and at the end I so debated putting "See You Next Year".  However I didn't because at that point that wasn't a given and I knew his biological mom and possibly dad would see this DVD.  I didn't want to put something inflammatory in it that would cause them to react.  However the rest is history and I close this with a very simple statement.

See you next year!

Effective now, my blog will be going silent.  For no less than 30 days this blog will be untouched.  Comments are turned off.

I need to take some time to reflect on life and come to an understanding on where I need to go.

Vote McCain. I thought about giving a month of Obama bashing, but I think a time of reflection is more important right now.

BLAH!  That is a good definition of my weekend.

Started off good, on Friday we had our small group.  Our two opening questions pulled from the bucket were:

1. If you were to choose a new name for yourself, what would it be?

I would steal my son's name and go with Elijah.  Just a cool Bible story.

2. If you could trade places with anyone in the world (or in history) who would it be?

I chose the apostle Peter.  I think of all Bible characters... he is the one I relate to the most.

Then we went over the parable of the  Prodigal Son.  One of the last questions I asked, was what issue do you struggle with that you know should be different.

I was pretty open with something that had been on my mind for the whole week, submission to leadership.  I've been in three churches and in a lot of ways I have struggled with this at all three.  In spite of my great respect for some of the men in these leadership roles.  I've yet to find that balance of being myself, the guy God created and being a submissive to things that drive me nuts.  God made me to be a critical eyed person.  God made me to be bold enough to speak up.  God calls me to be submissive. 

Got  home watched the debate.  McCain said what he needed to say.  Obama said what he believes.  Neither won in my opinion.  Was pretty blah. 

Then Saturday morning went for our men's group.  Still going over, What God Does When Men Lead?, was ok discussion.  THEN the fun started.

Had to go to my dentist office to help with a server crash they had this week.  Think I finally had that working.

Next it was time to celebrate my son's birthday.  Due to some football and such the turnout was low, but we had fun.  Took him to Taco Bell for lunch and he had a Volcano Taco.  This boy loves hot food. Finally I had to go to my actual job.  We converted to MS SQL 2005 this weekend.  HUGE upgrade, overall has gone well.

Then came Sunday (now...), went to church.  If I'm being honest... just didn't feel it this morning.  A bit of an open secret... I hate worship music.  Does nothing for me 95% of the time.  But of course some will take the Rick Warren line and say, "Its not about you, its about God."  Yeah... but if you don't like worship music, its not your way to praise God.  At some level I think my being 'out of it' had a lot to do with my struggle this week in trying to figure out the whole, submit but be who God made me thing. 

So that's the weekend.

When I took a trip to the Cincinnati Church of Christ on Sunday there was something that weighed on my mind a bit.

Church loyalty.

Two of the three Elders appointed exemplify what it means to be loyal to a church.  Each of them have been members at that church for 20 + years.  Through some very bad times.  Times that I've never faced in a church setting, but there they sit still faithful members of that church.

I shared emails with one of the two, as he emailed me and thanked me for my kind words to him and thanked me for coming.  So I did offer some more personal praise his way and told him I admired his loyalty to his church.

Me on the other hand... it would be a fair criticism to say I am a 'church hopper'.   6.5 years at the CCoC, 2.5 years at our second church, and we are pushing 2 years at our current church.  While I stand by my decision to leave the two churches I've left, I'd be silly to say that it had nothing to do with mistakes or sin on my part.  I know I'm a difficult church member. 

I readily admit that staying loyal to a church is hard for me.  Being critical is easy for me.  I've not yet been able to strike that balance.  I'm not sure how to strike that balance.  Where do you strike the balance between accepting unhealthy behavior for the greater good, and calling out bad things in the church because God expects more? 

It is really a burden I wish I knew how to handle.  Because without figuring that out, there will be a time when there is no new church to hop to.

  This is a special post.  Number 650 of my life blog. 

It all started February 16, 2004 with an introduction to my 'new' web site and what followed is what can be seen as 'my story'.  It covers so much.

• Leaving two churches, and thus joining two churches. 
• Leaving two jobs, and thus starting two jobs.
• Many birthdays and anniversaries.
• Great times.
• Bad times.
• 1.5 adoptions.
• GWB getting re-elected.
• The 'progression' of gay marriage.
• Injuries.
• 40 pounds.
• Formal education.
• And really so much more.

It's hard to believe this much of my life has been chronicled. 

Looking through all of it I have only one thing to say.

I wouldn't change a single thing.

This is a long post, but its been a long week. The bottom part of this post is pretty interesting.

This week started out BAD.  Hurricane Ike decided to visit the city of Cincinnati and take all of our electricity with it.

90+% of the homes in the city were without power starting Sunday at 2PM.  We were one of them.  Took the opportunity to get some pretty cool pictures though.  Here they are on PhotoBucket, though I may not keep them there long.

The wind was unbelievable for a midwest city.  Tree's fell everywhere, siding on houses took a little journey.  It was a down right mess.  We finally got power back after 26 hours, to have power in for 24 to only lose it again for another 4.  Though things seem stable now.

So that was my Sunday, Monday and Tuesday.  Though on Tuesday our adoption stuff took another step forward as several of us had our physicals.  Wednesday was a down day.  I was wore out. 

Thursday I ended up doing some yard work when I got home.  Borrowed a chain saw and cleaned up some wood we had piled up from tree trimming in June.  While I was doing this, my wife was taking her final class for the adoption.  Now all we have left is some home visits and our CPR/First Aid stuff. 

Then came Friday night.  Let me say this.  I am starting to love our small group.  We started late due to the city of Bethel being closed down due to home coming.  But after much frustration we finally made it.  We had a prepared lesson given to us by my church, and I was prepared to give it a shot.... God had other plans.

As I mentioned last week I plan on starting each week of with some 'ice breaker' questions from a bowl.  Our two questions were:

1. If money was no object and you knew you wouldn't fail, what would you do?

Women were way more spiritual than the guys on this overall.  One guy said he'd walk on the moon :-).

I said that I'd plant a church. 

What about you?

2. What are your thoughts on God and religion.  Read that question and I knew the night was over.  This was where we were going to camp out for the rest of our night, and we did.  Was some very good discussion.  Then near the end of this discussion I asked a question on the fly to follow up with it.

3. Give an example of when you felt God in your life.

Again, more great discussion. 

But this small group has more of a 'bonding' feeling to it than any small group I've been in for many years.

Then came Saturday, woke up and did our men's breakfast.  The conversation wasn't as good as last week, but it was still pretty good.  I do love the book, What God Does When Men Lead. 

Now another thing I had started doing earlier in the week was working out a plan to sell our dog.  We are just not a big dog family.  The dog was just way to big for the amount of time we could devote to him.  So I scheduled a meeting with a lady at 1PM on Saturday.  At 1:25PM I went home... with the dog.  She no showed.  So I started doing some quick actions and found out that the place we bought our dog was in the area at a pet show.  We called them up and asked if they'd swap dogs with us... the big dog just wasn't working out.  They said yes, so now we have a little dog.  So far so good.

Then about 8:30PM got a call about some furniture that needed moved from Bethel to Batavia, and they asked if I knew anybody who had a truck.  I didn't, but I then thought about how our van was empty due to the dog stuff and offered to come get it right then and there... so I did.  Fit very well in my van.

Finally made it home in time to keep my promise to my children.  Started a fire in our fire pit and had some smores. Yummy!

Now another thing happened on Saturday which lead to a very interesting Sunday for me.  I happened to look at the web site for my first church and saw that they were appointing Elders.  Now there is a man in this church that I deeply respect and was pretty sure he was going to be one of them.  So I made a few calls and confirmed.  So Sunday morning my oldest son and I took a trip to the Cincinnati Church of Christ.  First time we'd been there in four years. 

Was a bit worried going there, was unsure of the reaction I'd get.  But I am pleased to report that it was very welcoming. Saw a bunch of old friends.  We left the CCoC on OK terms.  It was just the right decision to make at the time

After 10 or so minutes of hanging out and talking to people it was time for service to start.  Very familiar songs from our time there.  One thing I enjoyed from our time there was some of the singers they have.  Was always a talented group of people there. Then after a few more church things, they got onto the appointment of the Elders.  They were actually appointing three of them in a bit of an odd situation.  In churches the 'evangelist' seems to appoint the first Elders.  So the 'evangelist' appointed Tom Meade and Joe Dilts as Elders, then they turned around and appointed him as one.  I have no interaction with the third one, as he was hired well after we left.  The first two however are very deserving.  I know Joe much better than I do Tom, though my family still had interaction with with the Meade's.  They have learned through the fire of life on how to lead a family.  One thing I liked about Tom's 'acceptance speech' was how he admitted that he will screw up and he will probably hurt some of the people in attendance.  He, after all, is human.

Then comes Joe.  The Dilt's family hold's a special place in my heart.  If my family can be half the family of his, I will feel like a success.  When my wife and I were 19 and 20 years old in the Cincinnati Church of Christ they treated us like the adults we were, where as others had a hard time seeing us past one of their children's friends. 

There is a lot of debate in the Christian faith about what is required to be an Elder.  Some say the list of qualifications are just suggestions, other see them as a list of requirements.  Joe Dilt's is an Elder regardless.  I've said for a long time, in life I've only met a few people that are the prototypical Elder.  Joe is one of them. 

I remember when my family first came to the CCoC.  Joe, Tom and a third fellow were Elders in training.  Basically the ICOC's way of controlling elders.  But then things went south and that was put out of mind.  Now Tom and Joe still were great leaders in the church, but not official elders. So they got training by fire over the last 11 years, and the fact that they are still leaders in that church are a testament to their qualifications to be in that role.

Was a historic moment in the history of the Cincinnati Church of Christ. 

I'm sure this has happened to all children who gave their elders great heart ache.  Somebody says, "Some day you are going to have a child just like you."

Well for me it has happened. Today my 'mini-me' turns 8.  It really amazes (and scares) me in the similarities we have in our mannerisms and behavior at that age.  It amazes me how much he lives up to the name we gave him. 

He is named after the prophet Elijah.  A man that went up to heaven in the same way he lived, a whirl wind of fire.  That is my boy; a whirl wind of fire. 

The similarties from me and him are stunning.  Education didn't click for me until the third grade.  So I struggled in school. Education hasn't fully clicked for him yet either.  Though he doesn't struggle near as bad as I did (amazing what two very involved parents can do for a child), he still has to 'get it'. 

This boy will accomplish great things in life.  As he finds his purpose and he puts that fire in focus on it, he will excel.  He is my warrior, he is our families spark plug, he is my mini-me. I couldn't be more proud of the fact that I have in fact, "Had a child just like me."

So how about some more proof, and I'll give myself a little embarrassment to boot.

Pictures of Me		Pictures of Him

And just to show you how much like me he is... me and him (and he is my only child who will eat wings) chowing down.

Well this isn't even just a Sunday recap, but a full church weekend recap.

Friday night started out with the launching of our new small group.  I am the 'leader' of the group in that I do the initial talking.  Took the first meeting as a 'get to know you' opportunity.  I put about 40 questions (acquired from the web) in a bucket and we each drew one out and had to answer them as a group. 

Our list of questions this week were:

• Choose a unique item from your wallet or purse and explain why you carry it around.
  • Only one truly unique item in our group, then I had a business card I shared about.
• What cartoon character best describes you?
  • Obviously Brainy Smurf for me ;-)
• Where do you see yourself in 20 years and what are you doing to achieve this?
• If you could change one thing about your physical appearance what would it be and why?
• Complete the statement "I recommend..." (it can be a show, movie, book, restaurant, web site, activity, etc...)
• What was the best day of the past week for you - why?
• "2 truths and a Lie" - Share 3 unique things about yourself and your life, 2 of them true, 1 false, and let the group guess which one isn't true.
  • So I'll do it correctly here, I miss-spoke at the group, here are my three... take a guess.
    • I've wrecked a train.
    • I've read the Bible from front to back.
    • I'm afraid of spiders.

So what are your answers to these questions?

We'll be answering a few new questions each week as an ice breaker and I've let the group know that they can add their own questions to the bucket.

Then came Saturday morning and our men's ministry going over the book, What God Does When Men Lead  by Bill Peel.  I think this is spurring some real conversation and wish we had more time to devote to the topic.  I really enjoyed some of our older men that shared some life experiences on the topic...THAT'S why we need them there.

If you have the $13 to spare go buy this book, its is well worth the read.

Sunday was Sunday.  Seemed emptier than usual... though I know a lot of illness is going around.